A PKMN Fanfic By: Cruton
Members.spree.com/entertainment/cruton AIM: CrutonIggy Preread by The Edgeknight Shout outs to: Michelle and Joanne MikeP(www.mikepsucks.net) Ethan Crane(www.asmda.com) Owin Omnipotent Moses 22 ShivaMew MorpheusXXV Lord of Misrule The PFFA Peeps Pokemon is a copyright of the Nintendo corporation. The original concept is by Satoshi Tajiri and Tsunekazu Ishihara. This story has been written without permission.
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Ash stared at the four walls around him, all padded. He stared at the door, also padded and lacking a handle. He stared at the toilet, disturbingly padded as well and lacking a seat. He stared at the sink, padded and very soggy. He stared at his toenails. He thought it had been rather unnecessary to remove them. I guess, he thought to himself, that they don't take many chances with someone who tries to commit a togepi, claiming it was trying to kill him over a nutragrain bar. Still.... he could not for the life of him figure out why they taped a declawed cat to his head.
"So you don't get lonely. The declawing and taping are just precautions."
Oh, thanks for reminding me, Mike. I plum forgot.
"No problem, Ash."
Ash blinked. That was unusual.
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Pikachu sighed. The house was so boring without Ash around. Sure, he was taken care of, but a static rat finds it hard to depart with his trainer. And Misty wasn't that great at training electric pokemon.
"Come on, Pikachu, get in the bathtub. How else are you going to bubble attack? And you're still all dirty from the ginshu obstacle course."
"Pika pika chu! Chu chu chu pikachu chu chu c-c-chu pika! Pikachu pikachu pika pika pikachu chu?!"
To any who understood conversational pikachu, this roughly translated into: "Let me go, you crazy b....! I'm not f.... getting in any f..... water to learn f..... bubble attack! And who in their right f..... mind trains a pokemon by f..... tossing them into a kami f..... mud pit and throwing g..d.... ginshu knives at them?!" (Swear words omitted)
"Hmmm, I've never had this much trouble with any of my other pokemon." Misty put her hands to her hips in contemplation.
Pikachu took this chance to make a dash to the towel rack and cling there. "Pika. Chu pika pikachu pikachu chu pika pikachu." Or, as a chu of pika hears it, "Funny. I never figured staryu for a sado-masochist."
Misty snapped her fingers in triumph. "I know! That worked when I was trying to teach Psyduck to not be afraid of water!" Misty stood up and left the bathroom, closing the door behind.
Pikachu shivered, falling off the towel rack. Judging from how pleasant Misty's training techniques were, the item she was getting probably bore the name "electro-shock collar" or "triple strength ritalin." Pikachu picked himself up and looked at the door. It wouldn't be that hard to get by. Maybe if he made really loud stratching noises, Brock or Mr. Mime would hear and let him out. If Misty came back first, there was always the good ol' bolt-out-and-down-the- hall. Yes, this would be very easy to... The door opened.
With a severe and intense look of his face, Togepi stepped into the bathroom. No one who could possibly reach the handle was nearby. Pikachu decided it would be simpler for now to just assume it was a psychic move.
"Hey little buddy. What's up? Is Squirtle not letting you play with him, again?"
Togepi gave a snort of disdain. He spoke in a much more refined manner then Pikachu ever heard him use before. "I'm afraid our dear mutual friend Squirtle is not in a position to do that anymore. He has been.....disciplined."
Somewhere in the house, Bulbasaur cried out in shock. "My God, he's encased in a giant floating bubble of gelatin and caulk!"
Pikachu blinked.
"Togepi what happened to Squirtle? And why are you talking like that?"
Togepi lifted his hand up. "T'cal dyu kon kon khali 'thulic!"
Strands of caulk burst out of the far wall, wrapping themselves around Pikachu and dragging him back. Gelatin rose up from the floor and suddenly thickened around Pikachu's feet.
"You're-you're not Togepi, are you?"
Togepi laughed. "Of course I am, dearest Pikachu. But we all grow up. Did you honestly think I would stay a baby all my life? Even with all these good magazines about to educate me?"
Pikachu blinked. "What magazines? Ms. Ketchum only subscribes to the local newspaper. And that isn't what I'd call an educated work."
"Brock has a whole bunch of magazines in his pack. He gets new ones about every week. They have some really good articles in them. At least, I believe they do. I don't have much of a basis for comparison, but I can't imagine why Brock would put up will all those stupid pictures otherwise." Togepi shrugged.
Pikachu ventured one more question. "And where did you learn attacks like these?"
"Prof. Oak has a very interesting collection of self-made technique machines. But this is all beside the point. I have come to take your soul nutragrain bar, that I ascend to the next level of power that Keri-tu-tu shall give me."
Togepi gave himself the luxury of an evil laugh.
Pikachu gave himself the luxury of an anime sweat drop. "Um...could you back up, there? I need exposition or something."
"No. I am not going to lower myself to giving exposition."
"Please? Just a little bit?"
"No, darn you. Giving exposition is one of the most cliche and pointless things possible. It does me no good, and you'll be too dead soon to care."
"Don't send me to my grave that confused. That's just cruel and unusual."
"Look, no, I am not going to tell you that I am practitioner of an ancient, obscure Shinto break away sect that worships Keri-tu-tu, goddess of nutragrain bars, and no, I don't know how it can be an ancient sect if nutragrain bars are relatively modern, but, anyway, the sect believes that somebody who sacrifices a rare and unusual nutragrain bar to Keri-tu-tu will be granted great powers by the goddess, and I thought that the last nutragrain bar in the Ketchum is a rather rare and unusual phenomena, given Ms. Ketchum proclivity to buy in bulk, but Ash interrupted the ceremony and that angered the goddess, so to complete the ritual I need to get an even more rare and unusual nutragrain bar, and, as everyone possesses a nutragrain bar in his or her soul (another belief of the sect), and yours is the extremely rare Frankenberry flavored bar, so that's why I will take it from your body, killing you in the process." Togepi took a deep breath.
Realization came by and smacked him upside the head. "Shoot!"
Pikachu walked over to Togepi. "Look, we don't have to do this. I understand where you're coming from. When we're young, we all have ambitions of power. I once tried to conquer three square yards of sand in Iceland. But, power is not the proper"
Togepi interrupted him. "Wait! How did you get loose of your bonds?!"
Pikachu looked at him, then back at the remains of the caulk and gelatin. "Um,It's gelatin and caulk. Gelatin and caulk. They do not have particularly high tactile strength."
Togepi was flabbergasted.
"I'm flabbergasted! Why didn't you break out of them earlier?" Pikachu shrugged.
"I guess I just wanted to hear the exposition."
Togepi clenched his tiny fists. How dare he! Not only did he trick him into committing one of the worst acts of cliche villainy, but he also humiliated him by showing the futility of his powers! It was time to make pain hurt. Holding his hands out, Togepi created a bubble of psychic energy. Then he exploded it in Pikachu's face. Pikachu slammed into the wall. This was not good.
This non-goodness of the situation was amplified when Togepi rushed over towards him and started to machine gun punch. Pikachu leapt to the side, letting plaster and ceramics take the beating meant for him.
On an unrelated note, the plaster and ceramics would never forgive Pikachu for letting them take the beating and since then rained crumbly bits of themselves on him at every chance.
Togepi turned after Pikachu after he realized that whatever he was pulverizing wasn't soft and mushy. Holding his arms out in front of him, small orbs of light appeared around the egg pokemon. They flew after Pikachu, firing off like bullets.
Pikachu ran up and along the wall, narrowly avoiding the energy shots. Suddenly, Pikachu tripped on the lightswitch and slide off of the wall, landing in the bathtub.
Togepi grinned malevolently. "Super fish teleportation!" Pikachu leapt out of the bath, various fish clinging to various parts of his body. Trying to shake them off his body, he tried the excellent strategy of running into the wall.
Togepi hopped over to the prone pikachu. "Nutragrain bar of the ancient castle," Togepi placed his hand on Pikachu's chest, causing an orange mote of light to appear there. "Come to me, your master by combat," Slowly, within the light, the form of a nutragrain bar began to resolve. "That I may bring forth the power of healthy snack food!"
Pikachu woke up.
He waxed off, knocking Togepi's arms away.
"Foo'! Ain't nobody touching my bar!" Then he waxed on, sending the egg pokemon spinning back towards the bathtub. Pikachu got into a fighting stance. "I will fight you! One will win! He will be the winna! Fight!"
Togepi flipping back onto his feet said,"My good kung-fu will defeat your bad kung-fu! Right!" With that, he jumped into the air, still amazingly maintaining his battle stance.
Pikachu followed suit.
They missed each other and landed on the opposing sides of the bathroom.
They tried again.
And missed again. At this point, the author has decided that telling you ever time that this event reoccurred would take up too much room and become boring very fast, so you will simply be told that this happened about fifteen times, with two toss-ups and something that looked like it came from the Russian ballet.
Unnecessary and overdone running gags aside, Togepi and Pikachu finally managed to line themselves up correct and met in mid-air. They exchanged ferocious blows ranging from the "drunken mantis strike" to the "guillotine centipede kick" to the "dyslexic pinkish-yellow salamander drop."
Finally, Togepi executed a perfect "burning lotus of the lime-green elephant eating spaghetti in the Caribbean punch" and knocked Pikachu into the sink. "You thought you could defeat me?" The egg gloated. "You kung fu is like pidgin! None shall keep me from my goal! Now hand-over the nutragrain bar, and we can end this."
"Never!" Pikachu picked himself out of the sink, disposable razors in each hand. He broke them on the rim, picking the blades out of the shattered plastic. "On these blades that will run you through, I never let you realize your dark ambitions!" He leaped off of the sink, slashing down at Togepi.
The egg jumped back, out of the way. "No, never?" Togepi asked, dodging a sideswipe.
"No, never!" Pikachu responded, stabbing foreword.
Togepi bent below the blow. "Never?" Togepi tried to grab the left blade, but missed.
Pikachu stepped back and stood for a second in contemplation. "Hardly ever!" Pikachu lunged with both blades.
Togepi grabbed the mouse's wrist, placed his foot on Pikachu's face, and vaulted off of him onto the sink.
Picking himself off the floor, Pikachu spun and tossed one of the blades at Togepi.
Togepi dropped into the sink basin, the blade hitting the medicine cabinet mirror.
Pikachu leapt on of the sink's rim, his remaining blade held over his head. He began to bring it down on Togepi. Sadly, he failed to notice Togepi ripping the can of shaving cream open until the spray of pressurized soap had blown the electric mouse across the room.
Wiping cream out of his face, Pikachu stumbled to his feet.
Togepi had already gotten to the floor and was advancing on him. Obviously, the egg pokemon was stronger than Pikachu had given him credit for.
This would call for drastic measures.
"Super contrived, physically impossible, indoor electric storm!" Electricity began to build up around Pikachu. The light bulbs blew out. Wires in the wall melted. The lightswitch exploded. A purple aura built up around the electric rodent, the image of Mr. T forming above his head.
"Psychic id omlete smasher to the fourth degree!" Psychic discharge flared around Togepi. The floor tiles cracked apart at his feet. Bits of refuse and rumble lifted up into the air. Veins began to pop out along Togepi's forehead. A yellow aura built up around the psychic egg, the image of Steve Austin forming above his head.
For all intents and concerns, this was probably a bad time for Misty to walk in the room with a large rubberduckie.
The two attacks, defying physics and conventional common sense, but making perfect sense in pokeworld thought, struck the rubberduckie and bounced back to their respective generators.
Misty herself felt the kinetic force through the rubberduckie and was pushed back down the hallway. Togepi was blown through the wall and into the wild blue yonder.
The Japanese Air Force tracked the movements of a small U.F.O. for several days, but soon lost it.
The Chinese Air Force managed to hold onto it for about a month. Most of the Middle East couldn't be brought to care, so the object was lost to human eyes.
Pikachu was never found again after the explosion. It is believed by many that he was killed, causing pokefans with hearts to weep and pokefans with brains to sing in joy.
One school of thought among fanfic writers claim that he was in fact shunted into a new dimension, where he lives to this day as the husband of Ryo-oki, with a brood of lightning chucking spaceships.
A radical sect of the Byzantine Church says that he ascended into Heaven to be messenger for the Lord, claiming he came to them bearing five new commandments, three of which concern eight-track tapes.
Mr. Piku Cha, a small furry man who sells radishes by a Maine highway and can say nothing but his own name, declines to comment.
Misty was in a coma for seven months and claims to remember nothing the incident. She also claims to be Josephen Bonepart and the inventor of vulcanized rubber.
Her sisters keep a bedside vigil.
Mr. Mime, having no idea what happened, blamed the whole thing of Brock and trapped him in a transparent box. The psychic pokemon them proceeded to rebuild the Ketchum house. Then, apparently out of boredom, it has begun to kidnap local high school band members to make the house dirty, just so he can clean it up. The army has been called in.
The rest of Ash and Misty's pokemon made good eatin'
You didn't just hear me say that.
Mr. Tweerdiddle of New Inglesburg, Pennsylvania, grows oddly shaped carrots to give to tourests. He paid me five bucks to mention him in this fic. No, not really. I think that covers everyone involved ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was recreational time at the Viridian City Mental Institution. Ash stared at his mother. His mother stared at Ash. "So, how many pieces of support beams hit you in the head, again?" "Gleep! Gork! Fifty! Gook, gleep gork, kapow!" ***************************
Fin? or is it? Let me check, Yeah, this is "fin".